What Are Extinction Bursts and What To Do About Them?

If you’ve been working hard to help your child manage their behavior, you know it’s not a quick fix. It can take months, even years, to truly address those outbursts, temper tantrums, and meltdowns (otherwise known as extinction bursts).

It feels like an endless journey, right?

You experience amazing moments when your child seems like a completely different person, acting perfectly. But then, just as quickly, you’re back to square one, dealing with the same exhausting behaviors that make you want to hide.

Why does this happen? Why, after making progress, do our kids sometimes revert to their most challenging behaviors at the drop of a hat?

The Rollercoaster of Behavior Change

As parents, we pour everything into helping our children grow and develop positive behaviors. We celebrate the small victories and work tirelessly through the setbacks. But let’s be honest. This journey is often a rollercoaster.

One day, you might feel like you’ve finally cracked the code, that your child has turned a corner. They’re listening, cooperating, and managing their emotions like a champ.

You feel on top of the world!

Then, out of nowhere, the storm hits. The behaviors you thought you had conquered rear their ugly heads, leaving you feeling defeated and wondering where you went wrong. It’s enough to make any parent question their sanity.

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So, what’s going on here? Why do these regressions happen, even when we do everything “right?”

What Are Extinction Bursts?

These sudden spikes in behavior have a name: extinction bursts.

In the world of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), an extinction burst is a temporary increase in the duration, frequency, or intensity of a behavior that occurs when you stop reinforcing that behavior.

Think of it as the behavior’s last-ditch effort to get what it wants.

Basically, the child is thinking, “Hey, this used to work. Let me try it again!”. It’s important to remember that extinction bursts are a normal part of the behavior change process. They mean the strategies you’re implementing are working!

Side note: Just like in any profession, there are great ABA therapists and others who should consider a career change. If you’re struggling and feel like your child’s behavior is out of control, don’t give up!

Look into ABA and contact a professional who can help. ABA has been life-changing for many families.

This resource might be helpful for further insights: What is ABA or Applied Behavior Analysis?

Understanding Why Extinction Bursts Happen

So, why do these extinction bursts occur? There are a few key reasons:

Habit: The behavior previously successfully got the child what they wanted. It’s like a reflex; they automatically resort to what has worked in the past.
Testing Limits: Your child might be testing to see if the new rules (the “no’s”) are consistent. They want to know if you really mean it this time.
Frustration: Let’s face it: kids get frustrated when they don’t get their way. They might resort to old behaviors in an attempt to regain control or express their displeasure.

Learning to accept “no” is a crucial part of life. It’s not always easy, but it’s a skill that will serve them well.

Think of it like trying to quit a bad habit. You might slip up before you finally succeed. These slips are like extinction bursts, temporary setbacks on the road to change.

Real-World Example: The PT Appointment

Let me share a personal story from Luke, the founder of Special Ed Resource, to illustrate this. Luke’s son had a scheduled physical therapy (PT) evaluation. He wasn’t thrilled about leaving the house.

Despite preparing him for days, he launched into a full-blown temper tantrum before it was time to go. He threw food, refused to clean it up, and became aggressive with objects.

The old them would have given in, given him attention (even negative attention), and redirected him to his room calmly. But this time, they followed the plan. They calmly told him to clean up the food, let him know they would wait, and then went silent and ignored him.

His volume increased. He insisted he wouldn’t clean up and ran to his room to calm down (something they’ve been working on).

They ignored all of it. Guess what happened?

Five minutes later, he came out of his room and cleaned up the food! The best part?

They made it to the appointment on time (though barely!). Sticking to the plan is crucial, no matter how hard it feels.

How to Handle an Extinction Burst: Sticking to the Plan

When your child throws you a curveball with an extinction burst, what do you do? Here’s the key:

Follow the behavior plan consistently. This is non-negotiable.
Ignore attention-seeking behaviors (if that’s the cause of the behavior). This can be tough, but it’s essential.
Remain calm and avoid escalating the situation. Take deep breaths if you need to!
Give clear, simple directives. “Please clean up the food” is better than a long lecture.

It’s essential not to give in, no matter how difficult it gets. Consistency is key.

The Dangers of Giving In: Reinforcing the Wrong Behavior

Now, let’s discuss something critical: the danger of giving in to extinction bursts. Let’s go back to the PT appointment scenario.

Imagine they had canceled the appointment because of his behavior. What would that have taught their son? That tantrums do work again! That poor behavior gets the desired results.

This is a common mistake parents make. In an instant, a major setback could occur in the behavior change process. Even if the tantrum continues for 20 minutes, and there’s no way you’ll make the appointment on time, still go. You cannot allow the behavior to win, even if it’s just to get him to the facility’s door, only to turn around and go back home.

There are strategies to use before a behavior escalates, but under no circumstance can your child get what they want when they are in the throes of an unwanted behavior.

The Long Game: Consistency is Key

Remember, changing behavior is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be good days and bad days. The key is to stay consistent with your approach and not let those extinction bursts derail you.

Before the Burst: Proactive Strategies

It’s also important to remember that prevention is better than reaction. You can use proactive strategies to prevent behaviors from escalating in the first place. Visual schedules, social stories, and pre-teaching expectations can all be beneficial. These strategies are used before a behavior happens to set your child up for success.

Here are 5 Ways To Help Control Behavior At Home.

Addressing Concerns and Doubts

If you’re reading this and thinking that eliminating your child’s behavior problems seems too good to be true, I get it. I’ve raised eight kids, so I’ve been there.

Serious, consistent behaviors can take a toll on a family. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and hopeless at times.

You Are Not Alone: Finding Support

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Thousands, if not millions, of parents, are currently or have been in your shoes.

Don’t be afraid to reach out for support. Talk to other families, therapists, or support groups. Sharing your experiences and learning from others can make a world of difference.

Recap and Encouragement

So, what are extinction bursts? They’re temporary increases in unwanted behavior that occur when you stop reinforcing that behavior.

They’re a sign that your behavior plan is working, and by remaining consistent and not giving in, you can help your child learn new, more positive behaviors.

Never give up. Keep pushing forward. You’ve got this! You can make a difference in your child’s behavior. Believe in yourself, believe in your child, and never lose hope.